I Am Still Me

Since being pregnant, I have no idea how many times people have told me how much I have changed. Yes, that's true, I mean come on, I'm pregnant. I have a life growing in my belly. I think, or would hope, that that would change just about anybody. Seriously! It's crazy when you think about it. In a matter of seconds, seeing one little symbol changes your whole life immediately. Well, in my case, my pregnancy test was just blunt with me and said 'pregnant'. No guessing around there! As I've said before, becoming pregnant was a huge debate on when the "right time" was going to be. There never is a "right time". How can you actually plan for having a baby? It's not like saving up for a new car and then you're done. You can't clip coupons for this one! Literally, the night before Michael and I found out we were expecting, we got into a huge fight on when would be a good time to start trying for a baby. Although I know I've always wanted to be a mom, I didn't think the timing was good. Michael's hours at work are insane and he usually puts in 20 hour work days. That doesn't make time for him to be home that often. Michael on the other hand was ready to try and start working on this before we got married. I think he was thinking about the fun part and not the actual work part. So, long story short, we fought about this all night long with my final word being that we will try in a year. Case closed. Or...was it? The very next morning, no joke, I found out that I was pregnant and thought that God was playing a joke on me. Talk about impeccable timing. Wow! I threw the test on Michael's pillow at 6am, saying that we needed to talk. His initial reaction was, "Is this really happening," and went out to buy more tests to be sure. At 6:30 in the morning. In the rain and snow. On the weekend. (Just kidding! It doesn't snow in Texas!)
I was in denial about this whole thing at first and really didn't know what to think or what to do about this situation. Not so much in denial that I went to the bar and threw down shots or anything drastic like that. Becoming a mom was something I've always dreamed and wanted more than anything, but now that it was actually here, I totally freaked out about it. And of course, since I'm being honest, part of me freaked out thinking, "crap, I'm going to blow up like a house!" Me and gaining weight don't get along. I've tried to embrace this as best as I could. Oddly enough, I've actually fallen in love with maternity clothes. I know, strange!
I think some people have plans and goals for themselves and for their life. I also think that God has other plans for you in the meantime. Me getting pregnant was a way of being smacked across the face saying that I needed to wake up and stop being so ignorant. I may have not planned this time out, but somebody else did for me and thought the timing was perfect! So instead, after some time, I didn't argue it, I embraced it. (Time, as in maybe after the first trimester!)
So, yes, I have changed, but I think only for the better. No, I can't go to the bar with you and drink a wonderfully, dirty martini. I can't sit there and talk for hours on end anymore, because right now, I just don't have the energy. I realize I am a lot quieter now than I was before. Some of these things, I can't help. I am also so frugal with my spending now. Before, I would go get my hair done and spend about $200 and not think anything of it. Along with that was getting my nails done as well. Now, my friend cuts my hair and no more nails for me. I am also bravely dying my hair out of the box and so far, it's been working to my advantage. If it looks awful, whatever because it was only $10! I don't go shopping anymore and instead, want to buy clothes and things for my son. Yes, strange. I think of someone other than myself. Funny how these things happen. I feel like Martha Stewart has taken over my body and I totally love baking and doing crafts now. Something I never thought would be possible. I also see my husband in a new light, that was there before, but is now even stronger. Just because I can't hang out like I used to, I'm still in there. I actually like each and every single one of these changes and think that now, the timing was perfect. What was meant to be, happened at the right time. No more arguing. No more doubt. I will have my family soon and that is the only thing that matters anymore. Yes, I've changed, but I am still me.