Where Do I FIT In?

First off, I have to say that Davis and I are back from Tulsa! Yesterday was THE LONGEST I have ever driven, not only by myself, but with a baby. I will be waiting for my award in the mail. Thanks.

So while in Tulsa, I decided to attempt to try and find a new pair of shorts. *Note: Flo was visiting and I was so super hormonal. This does not help when trying to shop. Especially for shorts. I should have just tried on bed sheets.* It was a cranky day in the hotel and Davis decided he just wasn't going to sleep. This put us at not going to the aquarium that day. Good times. I was already at my wits end and looking for a number so that I could call in sick. Oh, wait! Silly me. At that moment when steam was flying out of my ears, a shining halo appeared over Michael's head as he told me to go shopping. Gasp! I'm outta here suckers! If only it were that simple.

The same stores I used to shop in just aren't the same anymore. I'm old. I'm an old lady now. And I need to wear ear plugs in some of these stores. Seriously, do I sound like my mother or what? How did I used to like this?!? So I go into my usual stores to try and find shorts. Have you ever noticed that what you are looking for, you can't ever find at the time, but find 100,000 other things you would absolutely love! I could have bought so many cute and adorable summer dresses, but that was not why I went. Uggg! So I am at Dillard's. No go. NY & Co I always have the best luck in. But as of right this second, this very moment, I am not loving the 'boyfriend shorts' and the Bermuda shorts (again?!?) The shorts down to the knees look that are tight bring me back to my New Kids On The Block days when I cut my jeans to make shorts. Neon scrunchy, anyone? The cargo shorts that are that length make me feel like I should be stuffing them with granola bars or something. Personal shopper needed, please!

So, I keep on trucking. I am bloated. Shorts are a bad idea. I can do this!! I go to stores like Charlotte Russe and find some cute shorts that are of course a price I can afford. Oh praise Jesus, they fit!! No, wait. My freaking ass is hanging out practically. This screams beyond inappropriate mom clothes. Being the brilliant person that I am, I decide to try on a swim suit instead. I am smart like that. Still at Charlotte Russe, they had some really cute ones that were on sale. A few years ago, I probably would have worn one of these suits, but hell to the no not today. Who can fit into these bottoms? I swear, only a teenager with the body of a 12 year old boy that is as straight as an arrow. The bottoms only cover one inch....um..but the pattern is cute!

I am walking around the mall having a total pity party for myself. I was oh so tired and just flat out exhausted. When did I get old? Why won't Davis stop crying today? Why is my life so awful? (haha, just kidding!) Then I felt it. Oh my Lord, I am starting to tear up. At the mall. Thankfully I didn't start crying. I decide to suck it up and try one more store. I go to Macy's where I can always find something. I got my last pair of shorts there so surely they will have something for me. Something that fits, style I like, and my butt isn't hanging out. *I still have a butt-thigh, but it's a little different post baby. You know what I'm sayin!*

I get back to the hotel, not only empty handed, but crying now. Man, don't you just love hormones!? Aren't they just a ball of fire fun!? Seriously, doesn't anyone besides me have this problem? You want to shop, but where to go? Certain departments you can fit, but it's too young. Other departments are way too big. Today I am going to defeat those shorts. I will find you and hunt you down.

If only everyday could be a toga party!


**What is a butt-thigh? Your butt is flat is blends into your thigh!