Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Fast Approaching...

It seems like so long ago and also, just like it was yesterday, that we celebrated Davis' first birthday. And yes, I know, time flies when you have a baby. I couldn't help but look through pictures the other day of him and wonder what happened to that tiny little new born. Already? It wasn't supposed to happen this fast. Davis has never been the one to want to cuddle. It has always been me trying to force him to cuddle. That never seems to work out in my favor. I usually get smacked in the face, or he just tries to jump off my lap super fast. So instead, I attempt to carry him around the house like a tiny baby, while Michael and Davis both give me looks like I am a crazy person. I can't help it! My little baby isn't a baby and I'm grasping on to what I have left of him being little. At this rate, he'll be in college in the blink of an eye! I am still saying that I am scared to have anymore children. Maybe I am being selfish, who knows. I have been told I am being a brat, that I am selfish, I am only thinking about myself, and how dare I not allow Davis the chance to have any siblings. I never said that I was NEVER having anymore, just not now. Davis is at the age where a lot of people start trying to have their second child, while I am embracing my alone time with my husband. The thought of starting over, sleepless nights, and constant crying has me wanting to pull my hair out. Not to mention the tedious breastfeeding and never ending pumping to add in. So yes, maybe I am being a little selfish right now. I have given myself until Davis is two years old before we start trying again. And I am using every day to my advantage right now. He still sleeps amazing and I can count on his nap times and at night for some solitude. I know most people say you are never actually ready to have children, and believe me, I know. I was thrown into shock when I found out I was pregnant, but it has been a blessing ever since.

My whole life I have always wanted to be a mom. I have always known it. I have always had thoughts of being the mom that had after school snack waiting, was around for field trips, car pool, recitals, practices, and homework. Now, I don't want to be June Cleaver or anything with a little white picket fence, but since I'm going to be staying at home, I want to do it all! And besides, I have decided not to wear my pearls while cooking dinner anymore. I want Davis to experience a great amount of one on one time with me, as well as taking him to a Mother's Day Out and learning with other kids. The same goes for our next child. Even though I have so many years to come, I already think about disciplining when the age comes for drinking, drugs, driving, etc. Why do I already think about that now? I was hell on wheels and Michael was no angel either. People say you are twice as bad as your parents, so that means that Davis may be in juvenile by the time he's hits preschool. (Kidding people. We were never in jail!)

What is my point with all of my rambling? I am so happy right now. I am so proud of my family and love being with them. Michael and Davis are my life and mean the world to me. I am just not quite there yet to add another limb on our family tree. I do realize that it works well for many people, just not us personally. Maybe I should have just had twins and gotten two out of the way! :)

5 comments:

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

I'm exactly in the same place as you are (except with baby #3 which my husband wants but I'm not sure). Let people call you selfish, it's your life and you have to be ready for it (at least somewhat anyway). I do hope you have another one someday...seeing my 2 girls together is so sweet. I know they will be the best of friends! Take your time though...and enjoy Davis while he is little!

Eclipsed said...

The thought of having another baby right now makes me want to set my hair on fire. My daughter is 15 months old and she sleeps through the night and naps on a schedule and I'm really enjoying her. I can't even fathom having a newborn thrown into the mix and going back to feeling like a zombie. Plus having to lose the baby weight AGAIN! I'll probably wait until she's 2.5 or 3 before we start trying again. You're not selfish at all; you're doing what's right for you and your family right now.

Jules said...

Don't ever worry about what other people do or say. Whatever you feel in your heart is the right decision for you.

Roxanne said...

I can totally relate to the struggle to decide if and when to have a second child. My little girl is only 6 months old and I'm constantly being pestered about when I'll be having a second child. I am so on the fence when it comes to having more than one. I feel like I got so lucky with my daughter that if we have a second child we might not be as lucky (health, personality etc). I also hate the sibling argument, there's absolutely no guarantee that the siblings will get along so I think its a bit of a risky reason to use when making the decision to have more than one.

Bren said...

We thought we would only have one child but when my daughter turned 2 I got baby fever to the extreme! A little over a year later we had our second. It is hardest going back to waking up for middle of the night feedings and juggling two kids into the car, into the store etc. but it is not as hard as I thought it would be. The best part about them being three years apart is that my oldest can do a lot of things for herself! There is only one child in diapers, only one who needs to be "fed", only one who needs to be rocked to sleep etc. I always thought kids should be closer in age but we have found our groove here and are having fun on this new ride! You will know when it's time and no one can tell you any different!