Secrets of a Housewife

Do you ever see images like this and think, Seriously? Did women back then really freakin smile and whistle while they mop puke or pee off the floor? Assuming that is that your child is learning how to potty train. Otherwise, your husband may really need some help with his issues.


Me, personally, I do not smile while I'm folding laundry, unless that is, I'm watching Ellen. I do not daydream while I'm bleaching the baseboards of the house. I would prefer to sprinkle some cocoa on them and go point it out to my dog. A little dust won't hurt him right? I mean, he does lick his own...foot.

So, what are a few tips and tricks of being the most amazing housewife, ever? Well, let me share a few secrets with you.

-We all get so tired of cleaning the house. It becomes a little monotonous. Or exhausting, especially right after you have a baby. There are those days when you have to decide whether or not you are going to take a shower, or do a little cleaning. Please. Take a shower. Just secretly hire a (cheap) maid. Your husband will come home and over and over say how the house has never looked so nice. You reassure him and tell him that you are indeed Wonder Woman.

-Write out a menu list for the entire week. This saves some of what sanity you have left, along with money. Plus, you won't be staring at your fridge every day wondering what in the world you are going to whip up.

You may even get lucky, and your child will help you write and decorate on the board. Have fun trying to read it.

-When a light-bulb needs changing, don’t bother with a ladder, instead, balance precariously on a swivel office chair, for a much more exciting experience.

-Don't feel like getting dressed one day? Try and refrain from wearing pajamas to the grocery store. You really look like you may be panhandling, and it's just not a cute look. Instead, go for gym clothes. Much more appropriate. Just the other day I was running errands and someone asked if I had a good workout. HUH?? Ahh, yes. I did. Awesome workout.

-When getting ready to go out on date night, avoid wearing your clothes until the last minute if at all possible. Your child will be eating spaghetti that night and manage to ruin your new dress. Cover up and put a rain coat or robe on.

-So the leaves need to be raked in the backyard and your family has a million things on the to-do list. AKA-you're not doing it because outside is not part of the deal. Again, you call someone only to have to laugh at you because all you need is the leaves raked. Needless to say, again, it's cheap. Just be sure to remove all evidence from the curb before husband gets home. That was a dead giveaway.

-Use wipes for everything. The cleaning geniuses were nice enough to make products to clean faster. Windex is in wipes. Pledge is in wipes. Clorox is in wipes. Wipe away the grime, my friends. It's so much quicker! Plus, you can get your children to help.

Hope some of these useful, and not so useful tips were helpful. Now, go out and conquer the day!