Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I Am Still Me

Since being pregnant, I have no idea how many times people have told me how much I have changed. Yes, that's true, I mean come on, I'm pregnant. I have a life growing in my belly. I think, or would hope, that that would change just about anybody. Seriously! It's crazy when you think about it. In a matter of seconds, seeing one little symbol changes your whole life immediately. Well, in my case, my pregnancy test was just blunt with me and said 'pregnant'. No guessing around there! As I've said before, becoming pregnant was a huge debate on when the "right time" was going to be. There never is a "right time". How can you actually plan for having a baby? It's not like saving up for a new car and then you're done. You can't clip coupons for this one! Literally, the night before Michael and I found out we were expecting, we got into a huge fight on when would be a good time to start trying for a baby. Although I know I've always wanted to be a mom, I didn't think the timing was good. Michael's hours at work are insane and he usually puts in 20 hour work days. That doesn't make time for him to be home that often. Michael on the other hand was ready to try and start working on this before we got married. I think he was thinking about the fun part and not the actual work part. So, long story short, we fought about this all night long with my final word being that we will try in a year. Case closed. Or...was it? The very next morning, no joke, I found out that I was pregnant and thought that God was playing a joke on me. Talk about impeccable timing. Wow! I threw the test on Michael's pillow at 6am, saying that we needed to talk. His initial reaction was, "Is this really happening," and went out to buy more tests to be sure. At 6:30 in the morning. In the rain and snow. On the weekend. (Just kidding! It doesn't snow in Texas!)
I was in denial about this whole thing at first and really didn't know what to think or what to do about this situation. Not so much in denial that I went to the bar and threw down shots or anything drastic like that. Becoming a mom was something I've always dreamed and wanted more than anything, but now that it was actually here, I totally freaked out about it. And of course, since I'm being honest, part of me freaked out thinking, "crap, I'm going to blow up like a house!" Me and gaining weight don't get along. I've tried to embrace this as best as I could. Oddly enough, I've actually fallen in love with maternity clothes. I know, strange!
I think some people have plans and goals for themselves and for their life. I also think that God has other plans for you in the meantime. Me getting pregnant was a way of being smacked across the face saying that I needed to wake up and stop being so ignorant. I may have not planned this time out, but somebody else did for me and thought the timing was perfect! So instead, after some time, I didn't argue it, I embraced it. (Time, as in maybe after the first trimester!)
So, yes, I have changed, but I think only for the better. No, I can't go to the bar with you and drink a wonderfully, dirty martini. I can't sit there and talk for hours on end anymore, because right now, I just don't have the energy. I realize I am a lot quieter now than I was before. Some of these things, I can't help. I am also so frugal with my spending now. Before, I would go get my hair done and spend about $200 and not think anything of it. Along with that was getting my nails done as well. Now, my friend cuts my hair and no more nails for me. I am also bravely dying my hair out of the box and so far, it's been working to my advantage. If it looks awful, whatever because it was only $10! I don't go shopping anymore and instead, want to buy clothes and things for my son. Yes, strange. I think of someone other than myself. Funny how these things happen. I feel like Martha Stewart has taken over my body and I totally love baking and doing crafts now. Something I never thought would be possible. I also see my husband in a new light, that was there before, but is now even stronger. Just because I can't hang out like I used to, I'm still in there. I actually like each and every single one of these changes and think that now, the timing was perfect. What was meant to be, happened at the right time. No more arguing. No more doubt. I will have my family soon and that is the only thing that matters anymore. Yes, I've changed, but I am still me.

16 comments:

The Dimino's said...

So true!! Your priorities definitely change!!! I would rather go buy Brady something than myself!! Baby stuff is just so fun!! I think I am addicted to buying him clothes and his closet!! LOL

Cami Keene said...

I think you are absolutely amazing the way you are now and couldn't love you more! I hope that one day you and I can be closer, like we use to be as kids since we will have shared interests with us both being moms soon! Love you very much!

Cami Keene said...

Oh and I meant MORE shared interests. It's not like we have nothing in common...lol. You know what I meant but it did sound kinda harsh I guess. ME LOVERS YOU JESSERS!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Jess just wanted to say that yes you are going to change you are bringing life into this world and once you see that perfect little man everything in your life will change for the better. From one mom to another and as a friend just know you will be an amazing mommy as you have always been an amazing friend. I cant wait to see that handsome baby Davis. Youre in the home stretch so dont worry the bad and hard part AKA pregnant in the summer lol is almost over and the happiness will soon be here. God bless Jess and good luck.

Melissa Miller said...

Congrats Jessica on your upcoming baby boy! How wonderful.

Thanks for visiting my blog and your sweetness. I really appreciate it. You're always welcome anytime!

Have a blessed day.
~Warmly, Melissa :)

Vivienne said...

Congratulations! Boys are sooo much fun. (I have 4). God definitely has His own plan and His own timing.
:)
Thanks for stopping by to visit.

Annie said...

I cant totally relate! We did not plan our pregnancy and it was a HUGE shock...
I had a hard time not having control over my body while I was preggers....
BUT, now I have a perfect little baby boy and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!
You will too!!

.heather.a.clayton. said...

That is so true. I found this out when I got preggers.

Mrs OMG Pregnant said...

I am so woth you on this. Ours was a total suprise, and I cried for two weeks solid. Then changed. Stopped smoking overnight, drinking stopped.... and started planning. I rarely am out past 10 and prefer to shop for the bean that me. I cant wait til she arrives. Just come in to the third trimester now... it's the home straight and although I miss my old life sometimes, Im looking forward to my new one. This is just the transistion period.... xx

Jenn said...

Everything changes but for the better! You become a mom with that positive test instantly.

JJ said...

(((hugs))) You're doing great. What a great preggers blog...I've enjoyed reading so far and hang in there, you're almost in the home stretch.

Just a visitor from my pregnancy Blog Bellyitchblog.com. I featured your blog in my weekly pregnancy blog spotlight. Check it out. http://www.bellyitchblog.com/2009/07/pregnancy-blog-photo-baby-davis-michael.html

mommy4life said...

Well said. It does change you. I tell friends that part of motherhood, is that I get the selfishness beat out of me!

mommy4life said...

BTW - Thanks for stopping by on my special SITS day yesterday!

Carrie said...

Pregnancy and becoming a mom really does change things! I went from single woman to married mom of two in under 3.5 years- I'm still trying to wrap my brain around my new identity much of the time. But it's a good confusion!

Congrats on your upcoming arrival!

Jessica said...

I know what you mean about being slapped in the face and reminded about who's in charge of this thing called life. I'm happy to see that you're embracing that slap, too...not merely asking why it happened. :)

I'm Just Sayin' - Kerri said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

It's funny you fought the night before you found out, the night before I found out I remember crying because I hadn't been "in the mood" for a couple weeks and I broke down saying "how can we start a family if I don't feel like it - we're newlyweds, it's not supposed to be like this!". Tada, next day we found out why and well, it sparked things again too.

You never know how things will work out, but I too feel like it was the right time (even though I had just lost my job and been married only 3 months). Now I sew and bake, and scrapbook and love it all! I've changed too, but I feel like i've changed into the person I always hoped I would be.